Archive | May 2012

The Countdown has begun….

In less than two weeks, my daughter turns 19, she graduates from high school and she leaves for Tennessee to live with her grandmother, my mom. There is so much stress and anxiety and wishing and hoping and let’s just face it, I’m a ball of freaking emotions and really don’t know which one to pick at the moment.

I’m happy that my wonderful daughter is growing up, that she made this choice on her own to start fresh with new people, new faces, but safe because she is with my mom. I know that this is a good thing because here, she relies on me entirely too much and I don’t think that would change after graduation, she needs this to help her spread her wings.

I wish that there was more time before she leaves, before she graduates. I’m going to miss her horribly and want to spend every possible second that I can with her. Just thinking about her moving almost makes me stop dead in my tracks and takes my breath away. This is where the stress and anxiety come into play. I’m nervous, not about her, I know she’s going to do great, but about me. I know that with time that I’ll cope fine. It just brings me back to the days when her dad and I first split up and I didn’t know what to do with myself on weekends when she was with him.

Back then I kind of ended up going a little wild and crazy. After I got used to her going with her dad, I started going out, clubbing, drinking, dating. But Tiff never saw the crazy side because it was only on those weekends she was gone. I was her normal, down to earth mom when she got back. But now that’s just not who I am anymore and hasn’t been for a long time. I think it’ll be a good time to throw myself into my school work, going to the gym, taking some yoga classes and just doing good by me and my body. I’ve put my poor body through so much over the years, that it’s time I finally took care of it and made it healthy and fit.

So while I’m going to miss her and break down in tears at the thought of her gone. It will be good for both of us. I’m proud of her for the young woman that she’s become. That she sticks to her morals, that she doesn’t put up with people treating her like dirt. I love my baby with all my heart and hope that she achieves her dreams, because i know, without a doubt that she has the tools and the know how to reach out and grab them. She just needs to figure out what they are first.




Growing up I lived in the house that went bump in the night. We grew up with ghosts, knowing they were there, sometimes catching an occasional shadow around the corner, things mysteriously being moved when no one was in the room, noises from other areas where no one was. To me that was normal, that was what I grew up with.

My mom’s family has Clairvoyance that has been passed down through the generations. So I guess you’d consider us “sensitive” to the things that go bump in the night. No, I can not tell the future. I don’t know the winning lottery numbers (although, I really wish that I did).

As I’ve grown older, I’ve lost loved ones and they give me little clues that they are around, watching over me. I love that, I love knowing that they are still with me even though their gone, that they check in on me. What I’m not crazy over is the ones that I don’t know. I work in a building that has crazy spirit energy. I see shadows all the time, I get tapped on the shoulder when no one’s there and yesterday one of them called my name and scared the bajeezus out of me.

It’s one thing to hear Nana or Grampa call my name (which they never have, that I remember anyways) they love me, would never do me any harm. It’s a completely different thing to be sitting here in the middle of the day in my office with no one else nearby and hearing a deep male voice call out your name. It’s freaky and a little scary.

Yoga, Pilates….You want me to do what?

My nutritionist, actually she’s more than that, she’s more of a coach, so I’ll just call her that on here. My Coach recommended that in addition to changing some things with my diet, and the three days a week that I work out at the gym that I should add something else. Something to confuse my muscles and shake up the routine.

I didn’t know that muscles could be confused or that they needed to be confused, but ok. I’m all for confusing my body and playing tricks on it.  So now it’s deciding on something else to do, yoga, pilates, Zumba, swimming, etc, etc.

My gym doesn’t have a pool and it’s too freaking cold outside for swimming in New England right now, so that’s off the list. I checked out the classes available at my gym and they have a couple of yoga classes, Zumba and 2 different types of pilates classes. One’s called Bender Ball Pilates and the other is Piloxing. Where do they come up with these names? It just sounds funny. I understand that (after reading the description on the classes) Bender Ball Pilates is strengthening the core muscles and you use a ball and there’s balance involved. But it still sounds funny. Piloxing is a combination of Pilates and Boxing.

So my BFF and I are going to try a yoga class and Bendar Ball Pilates. The pilates class could be amusing for the other participants. I tend to trip over my own two feet and have no sense of balance, and I’m going to balance myself on a big round ball during an exercise class. I see comic relief for the other class members, that’s ok, I’ll laugh too.