The Countdown has begun….

In less than two weeks, my daughter turns 19, she graduates from high school and she leaves for Tennessee to live with her grandmother, my mom. There is so much stress and anxiety and wishing and hoping and let’s just face it, I’m a ball of freaking emotions and really don’t know which one to pick at the moment.

I’m happy that my wonderful daughter is growing up, that she made this choice on her own to start fresh with new people, new faces, but safe because she is with my mom. I know that this is a good thing because here, she relies on me entirely too much and I don’t think that would change after graduation, she needs this to help her spread her wings.

I wish that there was more time before she leaves, before she graduates. I’m going to miss her horribly and want to spend every possible second that I can with her. Just thinking about her moving almost makes me stop dead in my tracks and takes my breath away. This is where the stress and anxiety come into play. I’m nervous, not about her, I know she’s going to do great, but about me. I know that with time that I’ll cope fine. It just brings me back to the days when her dad and I first split up and I didn’t know what to do with myself on weekends when she was with him.

Back then I kind of ended up going a little wild and crazy. After I got used to her going with her dad, I started going out, clubbing, drinking, dating. But Tiff never saw the crazy side because it was only on those weekends she was gone. I was her normal, down to earth mom when she got back. But now that’s just not who I am anymore and hasn’t been for a long time. I think it’ll be a good time to throw myself into my school work, going to the gym, taking some yoga classes and just doing good by me and my body. I’ve put my poor body through so much over the years, that it’s time I finally took care of it and made it healthy and fit.

So while I’m going to miss her and break down in tears at the thought of her gone. It will be good for both of us. I’m proud of her for the young woman that she’s become. That she sticks to her morals, that she doesn’t put up with people treating her like dirt. I love my baby with all my heart and hope that she achieves her dreams, because i know, without a doubt that she has the tools and the know how to reach out and grab them. She just needs to figure out what they are first.

 

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